Newest Deviations
Rum is greater than youRum is better than you in every single way, and this is an undeniable fact. You, as my friend, have at some point screwed me over. Yes, you, definitely you. That was not a situation where you can laugh and say "well I'm the exception, because..." STOP. You are not an exception to this rule. I like rum more than you. I like rum more than my favourite band, my favourite hobbies, my favourite food... I love rum more than I love my family.You're not special; again, yes, you, a hundred thousand times you. No one is an exemption to this rule. This is something of an outlandish statement, especially when made by a drunk who has, somewhat ironically,Rum is greater than you
by ~Captain-Jake
I am fucking awesomeI constantly find myself in arguments being told I'm arrogant by the same people who have sung my praises before and afterwards. I seem to get an equal amount of "you're so arrogant" as I do "you underestimate yourself!" from the exact same people, and it's boring me. As such, I've decided to compose a list of reasons why I am absolutely awesome:I am fucking awesome
I'm really tall That's right, you read that correctly - I am tall. Not only is this useful for seeing people from far away, but it's awesome from a social and evolutionary viewpoint. In the EEA (Environment of Evolutionary Adaptation, look it up), if you were tall, you'd get all th
by ~Captain-Jake
TV Programmes you will never sAfter hours of searching the internet for precisely dick, I found myself on various websites with lists of television programmes that the writer thought would be “amazing!,” most of which included reality TV and wacky New York-based sitcoms with Matthew Perry from Friends. After extracting the vomit from my keyboard and being thrown out of the public library, I decided to do the exact opposite and write a list of programmes that you will never see on the box.TV Programmes you will never s
Gladiators No, I’m not talking about that shit-stick programme where a man called Werewolf or BullBalls or BearPump or whatever the fuck his name was be
by ~Captain-Jake
Your girlfriend is a whoreNo matter who you are, you have at least one of the following: A mother A daughter A girlfriend A wife A sister An aunt A nieceYour girlfriend is a whore
Everyone has at least one of those (a mother), but most people will have at least one of the other people. All of these are females that mean something to you, be it for biological or emotional closeness. Hell, there's a good chance that you fall into one of the above categories yourself. Yet we, as the advanced monkies we are, have pulled the wool over our eyes and denied one clear and simple fact:
All women are biologically-programmed whores
by ~Captain-Jake
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Devious Info
- Current Residence: Bishop's Stortford, Hertfordshire
- Interests: Piracy, gluttony, rum, wenches and adventures - in no particular order
- Favourite movie: The Dead Poet Soc... Oh who am I kidding? It's probably Ace Ventura
- Favourite band or musician: Iron Maiden
- Favourite genre of music: Bit of a metalhead
- Favourite artist: Kris Spandler
- Favourite poet or writer: Maddox is my literary hero
- MP3 player of choice: Play.com 1GB, reduced to £16.99
- Favourite game: Monkey Island
- Favourite gaming platform: PS2/PC
- Favourite cartoon character: Jerry, Tom and
- Personal Quote: "All you gotta do is figure out what's worth stealing" - Snow, the Warriors
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And how are you?
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"Yeah, but your forgetting important factors of human behaviour like intelligance" - Grammer King
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"Yeah, but your forgetting important factors of human behaviour like intelligance" - Grammer King
I am fucking awesome
Rum>you
Fags
("Your girlfriend is a whore", in chronological order, followed "Rum>you", which was later followed by "Tv Programmes")
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"Yeah, but your forgetting important factors of human behaviour like intelligance" - Grammer King
Yummy.
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Read this. It's good. I wrote it! [link] Spade and Sorcery Fantasy for readers of...well, fantasy.
I love Jesus. So what'ya gonna do about it?
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